I Will Reach You
by Whisperinadaydream
Summary: This takes place at the end of "Justice Denied". Olivia is heartbroken when she and David's relationship comes to an end. Elliot has been broken ever since he left SVU.. What happens when the two are reunited?
1. Chapter 1

((Author's Note: I do not own Law and Order: SVU or any of the characters. This story takes place at the end of "Justice Denied"

Note: Although an anonymous reviewer was very rude, they did have a few good points.. 1) Olivia and David's breakup was mutual and so I changed the story to fit that and 2) A walk from Queens to Manhattan would be entirely too long of a walk so I made it so that Elliot's apartment was in Manhattan as well. I welcome everyone's reviews and if I make mistakes please do point them out to me.. I only ask that you do so in a nice way if at all possible *sweatdrop* I am pretty new to writing fanfiction and so I would really appreciate all the support and kindness that I can get! Thanks everyone and I hope you enjoy the story and will continue reading the chapters to come!))

Chapter One

Olivia went home that night with a very heavy heart. As she walked through the door of her apartment she realized that she was more mentally exhausted now than she could remember being in a long, long time.. probably since the night she'd come home after Elliot had left SVU. She refused to think about that now though just as she'd refused to think about it a million times before. Besides, there were plenty of other complicated thoughts to occupy her mind right now.

She still felt what was, at least in her opinion, a well deserved guilt over the case against Pena. Because of her poor judgment and lack of attention to detail, he'd been forced to live out eight years in prison for a crime he had not committed. Hell, the actual sentencing was for more than three hundred years and the thought still sent a cold chill down the back of her spine, the thought that he could have lived out the rest of his life in prison all because of her. Sure, she was glad that he was out now and acquitted of all charges.. but that would not give him back the eight years that he'd lost, eight years that he'd spent doing nothing other than writing letters in an attempt to get at least one person to hear him out.

Her own guilt and anguish was so strong now that it caused a wave of nausea to pass over her. She made her way to the couch in her living room and plopped down on it, the exhaustion clearly visible upon every single one of her features. She grabbed a throw pillow and a blanket that lay across the back of the couch as she laid down and curled her legs up against her chest. Her eyes closed as she willed the overpowering feelings to leave her, but of course it was never that simple. She was unsure how long she lay there thinking about the case and Pena.. and then of course there were only more troublesome thoughts after she'd exhausted that one.

An image of David Hayden crossed through her mind, the way he'd looked earlier that day in his office.. when they'd more or less decided that their relationship was over. They'd made the decision because of work related issues, but she couldn't help but wonder if there had been more to it than that. Although she did not fault David over this, seeing as it had been a mutual agreement, a tiny part of her had still wished that he'd at least said something more.. She hadn't expected him to fight for her per say, because doing so could result in him losing his entire career, and she would never want that for him or for anyone.. but that tiny part of her simply wished that he could have given her something to hold on to- telling her that he would miss her, that this was hard for him, _something. _Maybe she was just being too needy though.. It was just a hard fact to accept, that not a single relationship had ever worked out in her entire life. David was now just another notch in her belt of failed relationships.

For some reason she thought back to Elliot now as well. Technically they'd never been together romantically.. but there was no denying that they'd shared some kind of relationship, and a very strong one at that. Of course it had been clear why he'd left SVU; he hadn't been able to handle the job anymore and she could not blame him for that, especially after the event where he'd shot and killed a girl in order to protect the others in the squad room. She cringed at the memory, but there was no denying that situations like that were always possible when it came to their line of work. Elliot had been with SVU longer than anyone else she had ever known and so maybe it should have been expected that one day he would reach his final straw. Although difficult to accept, she could at least understand that part.. but the part that she could not understand was why he'd dropped all contact with everyone, including her. Not one single text message, phone call, letter, visit.. nothing. Like with David, she couldn't help but wonder if this was somehow her fault.

She was angry with herself now because she'd allowed her thoughts to move in this direction, when she'd promised herself time and time again that she would refrain from doing so. What Elliot did was based off of his own decisions, not because of her. The same went for David.. The only thing that should be bothering her right now was the case against Pena, because that _had _been her fault.. and while that was still weighing heavily on her mind, she couldn't help but to feel saddened and guilty over David and Elliot too.. Despite how hard she tried, her self doubt and insecurities still lingered as she finally dozed off some time later.

At home a very worn out David Hayden sat at his desk with two objects in front of him: a glass of ice and a bottle of whiskey. His phone was still in his jacket pocket and his fingers almost burned with the desire to take it out and call Olivia. He knew it was too late to call, but besides that, he knew that she may not be ready to hear from him after what had been decided earlier that day.. and now he was wondering if he'd made a terrible mistake in allowing such a decision to be made. Yes, their jobs were complicated.. and his work had pretty much always been his whole life.. but over the short period of time that he and Olivia had dated, she had become really important to him as well. She was special.. but he wondered if that was enough to risk both of their jobs over. As he downed his entire glass in record speed and poured another, he continued going back and forth between his thoughts.

* * *

The figure of a man stood just outside of Olivia's apartment building. Illuminated only by the dim lighting of the streetlights, Elliot Stabler paced back and forth in silence, completely unsure of what to do next. He was on his own and had absolutely nowhere else to go. Kathy had kicked him out about a month ago and he'd gotten his own apartment in Manhattan. However, he'd lost his job shortly after that and so he hadn't been able to make the rent payment, which had resulted in him getting kicked out of there too just earlier that day. He was running very short on money at this point and didn't have enough even for a hotel. He had his car, but it was in the shop and so he'd walked the distance between his apartment and Olivia's. It was a long walk, but with the current state of his thoughts he could have been walking for minutes, hours, or even days. It all felt the same to him now anyway. He was a broken shell of the person he'd been months ago, before that incident had occurred at SVU. That was the reason he'd lost his job and partly the reason he and Kathy's marriage had failed, although admittedly they'd had numerous problems even before that.

So now he stood outside of Olivia's apartment even though he knew he had no right to be there. He'd left SVU and had not been in contact with any of them since then, including her.. and that was completely unforgivable on his part, especially when it came to Olivia. She'd not only been his partner, the longest one he'd ever had and not to mention the best, but she'd been his best friend as well and he'd been hers.. although now he doubted he even deserved to be considered an acquaintance. Still despite all of this, he'd found himself walking in the direction of her apartment although he'd had no plans except wandering around aimlessly to gather his thoughts. He looked up at her window as he continued debating on what to do next.

* * *

Olivia was unsure what time it was when she was woken from her fitful slumber by her phone ringing.

((So whose calling? Is it David or Elliot? Find out in Chapter Two!))


	2. Chapter 2

((Note: Hi everyone! Normally I probably won't be able to update this quickly, but I already had the first couple chapters written.. and since this is a new story and all I'm really excited to post and see what you guys think :) Again, please review if you can and let me know how I'm doing and if I should continue writing this story. Thanks everyone!))

Chapter Two

"...Hello?" A muffled and sleepy voice asked.

A reply came from the other end of the line, "Olivia.. Hey I know it's late, but do you think I could talk to you for a minute?"

There was a long silence on Olivia's end until finally she replied, "I don't think I feel like doing this right now," Her voice was no longer sleepy. On the contrary, she was completely alert now and she bit down on her lip in both angst and frustration. No, she was _definitely _not ready for this.

"Look, I know I probably could have gone about things a little better.. but please just give me a chance, Olivia. Please? I promise this will only take a minute," he sounded earnest and tired, as if this had been weighing on his mind for hours and keeping him awake.

She sighed a long sigh that reached all the way into the core of her being. "All right, fine.." came her reply.

A sigh of relief accompanied hers. "Thanks.. Look, I just wanted to say I'm sorry about earlier.. Ever since you left I've been thinking about the way you looked, the sadness in your eyes.. and I've been hating myself for it. I didn't mean to hurt you like that."

She bit down on her lip at his words, attempting to fight back the emotions that came over her. Her first line of defense was always to show anger and indifference rather than the hurt she was actually feeling, and so that was how she chose to react now. "But you aren't sorry that we're over, are you?" she questioned him accusingly.

He immediately shot back, "No, it isn't like that. Of course I'm not happy we're over. I loved you, Olivia! I still do.. I just don't think we'll be able to make a relationship work, not with our lines of work.. I'd hoped that eventually you'd be able to accept that and that we could still be friends.. but I know its probably too soon for me to hope for anything like that,"

She picked up the obvious sadness that laced his voice towards the end and, despite all the anger she was trying to hone in on, she felt herself crumbling beneath his words. She knew that this was not his fault anymore so than it was hers. As the old saying went, "It just is what it is," and it wasn't fair of her to be angry at him for it, despite how hurt she was right now. Her voice hitched in her throat as she realized that she was losing all of her resolve. It took several long, deep breaths, but finally she was able to respond to him, "I'm sorry, David.. I didn't mean to lash out at you like that. I guess.. This is just really hard for me.. I've never had any luck with relationships and then when I finally find one that I think is going to work out, I end up disappointed again,"

"Olivia, I.." he tried to cut in, but she interrupted him.

Despite the tears that were rising into her eyes, she forced herself to remain calm and collected as she went on, "No, David.. I understand. You don't have to apologize anymore. Of course I wish that things were different and that there was some way for us to make this work, but I know that isn't an option.. and as hurt and angry and everything else that I might be right now, I know that I'll get over it. I have to.. and at the same time, I know we still have to work together and I honestly don't want to be bitter over this forever.. So I guess just give me some time, okay? Give me some time to get over this and then things will be okay between me and you, at least as far as I'm concerned.."

It took him a minute, as if he was absorbing her words and figuring out the best way to respond without making things go from good to worse. Finally he said, "Thank you.. It means a lot that you can say all of that right now.. I know I probably have no place to say this now, but you really are an amazing woman, Olivia. I'm going to miss having you as my girlfriend.. but I look forward to us working together and eventually.. hopefully.. being friends again,"

She felt herself getting choked up again and it was all that she could do to say, "Thanks David.. Well I guess I'll see you around,"

He told her goodbye and she immediately hung up the phone and buried her face in the pillow to silence her cries. She was unsure why she was crying now. Was it the loss of the relationship? Was it, again, the fact that all of her previous relationships had failed? Was it just because she felt so utterly alone right now? It was strange, but an image of Elliot popped into her head just then. She realized that, if things had not gone the way they had with him leaving and everything, she would want more than anything to see him right now. They had always been there for each other when something was going badly in the other's life.

A moment of realization passed over her as she realized that was what was bothering her most right now. Of course she was upset over David as no doubt she would be for some time. She had loved him. Maybe it wasn't the strongest love she'd ever felt before, but she had loved him in her own way, and he'd loved her in return. Despite this, she realized with certainty that she would be able to get through this.. It would take her a while but she knew that eventually all of the feelings she felt now would fade away and she could look at him as a friend, as she did with Munch, Finn, and all of her other colleagues.

Elliot was another story. Never had she ever been as close to someone as she had been to him. Granted it was a strange and complicated situation, that she'd been closer to him than she had been to any other man including the ones she'd actually dated.. but that was just the way it was. They'd been more than partners. They'd been best friends, or hell, maybe even more than that. She was honestly unsure _what _ they'd been exactly, but all she knew was that in this moment she missed him like crazy, whatever it was they'd been to one another.

Her feelings of nostalgia quickly turned to anger though. How could he just leave her like he had? It didn't make sense. She'd been almost positive that he felt the same way about her as she did for him, but if that were true there would be no way he could have just up and left like that.. and now here she was missing him like crazy and he didn't deserve even a tiny piece of her thoughts or feelings. In a fit of anger and frustration she grabbed the nearest thing to her, which happened to be her cell phone, and she threw it as hard as she could. It sailed across the room and hit the door to her apartment.. and strangely enough there was a knock at the door seconds later.

((I wonder who that could be at the door? How will Olivia react when she sees him? Find out in Chapter Three!))


	3. Chapter 3

((Note: Thank you guys for the reviews :) I am glad you like the story so far! I hope I don't disappoint you with the upcoming chapters. Please please please review if you can and let me know what you think!))

Chapter Three

Startled, Olivia jumped when she heard the knock at the door. Had she just been hearing things, perhaps an echo of her phone bouncing off the door? Seconds later she heard the second distinctive knock and she realized that someone was definitely at her door.. but who would be there at this time of night? She tensed at the thought but then her resolve took over.. If someone was trying to break in or harm her, why would they alert her by knocking on the door? Still, she was cautious as she pulled herself up from the couch and made her way over to the door. She placed one eye against the peep hole now and almost gasped aloud at who she saw.

Elliot was standing just outside of her door. No.. she'd just been thinking about him.. Was her mind playing tricks on her? She shook her head to clear her thoughts and then looked through the peep hole once more and yet he was still there. All of a sudden she felt a panic rising within her chest. If she hadn't been ready to talk to David earlier, she was _definitely _not ready for this.

A million different responses played over in her head but before she could utter even a single one she heard his voice from the other side of the door. "Liv.. if you're in there, please open the door.. I know you might hate my guts right now and I deserve every bit of it.. but I really need to talk to you. Please?"

She stood completely still as she listened to him speak. There was something different about his voice, an edge to it that she was not used to hearing. He sounded about the same way that she felt-tired and at the end of his rope.. except there was even more to it then that. He sounded as if his very _soul _was exhausted. She could hear the desperation in his voice as he asked to come in and talk to her.. and as angry as she wanted to be right now, she could not help but give in to his plea and open the door.

The sight she saw caused her eyes to widen. This Elliot Stabler looked nothing like the oneshe'd last seen months before. His clothes were disheveled, his face sported a dark five o'clock shadow, and his overall appearance seemed terribly worn. This was especially noticeable around his eyes which were red with fatigue and had dark circles underneath them.

Involuntarily his old nickname escaped her lips, her voice full of concern, "El.." She realized what she'd called him though as soon as she'd said it, and this caused her to straighten up and gather her composure. The next time she spoke her words were much less friendly, "What are you doing here?"

He'd noticed those very brief seconds where she'd let her guard down, and when he heard her speak the nickname she'd always used for him, he felt his heart warming in his chest. He'd missed hearing her call him that. However, she stiffened just moments after that and he knew why. She was putting her guard up around him and he couldn't blame her for that.

A half hearted smile crossed his face and he held up a hand in greeting, "Hi, Liv.." he spoke her name softly.

She narrowed her eyes in response. Before, she'd always loved hearing her name leave his lips, but now it only infuriated her. She made no motion to respond and only stared him down instead, impatiently waiting for a response to her question.

He wanted to ask to come in so that they could talk, but he definitely was not going to push his luck right now. He did have a lot to say to her though and he knew he should probably start talking before she changed her mind and slammed the door in his face. He took a deep breath and sighed softly. I want to start by apologizing to you.. I know it doesn't even begin to excuse anything, but I want you to know that I am really, truly sorry,"

His blue eyes were warm and sincere when he said this and despite herself, she felt a little of her resolve already slipping away. She mentally tightened her grip on it though, not wanting to forgive him when all he'd said was just a few pretty words.

He continued though, "I guess I owe you an explanation, huh?"

Her only response was to raise an eyebrow at him as if silently saying, _"You think?"_

"Liv, I've been in a really bad place since I left.. I guess what happened that day just pushed me over the edge. Everything that I used to be able to deal with.. I just couldn't handle it anymore. I couldn't handle _anything _anymore,"

She interrupted him, "So you think you're the only one whose had it rough, Elliot? You were my partner! I needed you! Things haven't exactly been easy for me since you left either," her voice was angry and accusing, but behind all of that was an evident note of hurt.

He felt as if something was squeezing his heart within his chest when she said that she'd needed him. He'd needed her too.. but he was the one who'd let her down, not the other way around. He caught the hurt in her voice and he knew that she didn't deserve any of it.

He continued, "I'm not looking for pity. I know I left you in a bad spot and you haven't had it easy either. I wasn't saying that at all.. I guess I'm just trying to explain what's happened with me since I left, so that maybe I can somehow get you to understand,"

She wanted to lash back at him, _"Understand? Sure! Just try to make me understand how you could leave like that without so much as a single call, letter, or even a lousy text message to let me know that you're okay!" _but she didn't. He was trying his best to be honest with her. He wasn't even getting angry or frustrated with her when she lost her patience. She supposed she should at least give him this one chance.

A draft was seeping into her apartment from the open door though and she shivered involuntarily. She hadn't planned on inviting him in, but it seemed he still had a lot left to say and she was getting tired of standing here. He looked exhausted as well, and as much as she wanted not to care about that, she just couldn't force away every single feeling that she'd had for him before. Maybe it would be easier to hate him and not care at all.. but even if she wanted to feel that way, she knew deep down that she never could.

With a sigh of resignation she said, "Why don't you come it? We can talk more inside,"

He looked surprised at the offer, but completely thankful at the same time.

((What happens when Elliot explains his story to Olivia, about everything that has been going in since he left SVU? Will it be enough for her to forgive him? Find out in chapter four!))


	4. Chapter 4

((Here is Chapter Four. Hope you guys enjoy!))

Chapter Four

Things had been awkward ever since he'd walked through the door of her apartment minutes ago. He'd sat down in a chair across from the sofa and she'd excused herself to the kitchen, saying something about making coffee for the both of them. The reality was sinking in now as she waited for the pot to finish brewing. Elliot Stabler was sitting in her living room.. Perhaps in another world it would almost seem as if everything was normal between them, as if he'd never left and they were just spending an evening together as they had many times before, eating pizza and watching movies and just being best friends.. but unfortunately that was not the reality and she knew this all too well.

What was she supposed to say to him? _"Hi, so how have you been all of these months? Enjoying the weather?" _she thought bitterly. If only things could be so easy and they could just catch up like that and forget about everything else. For her, she knew that would be impossible. Whenever she thought of him she felt a gaping hole in her chest, a hole that he'd left there when he'd left like that without another word. It just felt so wrong.. that two people could build a relationship for thirteen years only to end up where they stood now. _Thirteen years.. _That was such a long time.

She thought back to one of their first cases together now. Though her memory could be failing her, she actually didn't remember Elliot looking much different back than versus now.. with the exception of his currently disheveled look of course. On that case they'd been trying to find the man who'd murdered and castrated a Victor Spicer in the back of a cab. It turned out that this Victor Spicer had actually stolen the real Spicer's identity, and so they'd went to interrogate the real Spicer at his location in Bellevue Prison. For some reason a particular memory stood out to her.. Spicer had seductively asked Elliot what he would be doing that Saturday night and Elliot had responded with a grin and a sarcastically sweet, "I'd hurt you,"

They had joked about that for days and she'd teased him just about every chance she got. He'd always responded with a smile and a laugh or a teasing response of his own. That was thirteen years ago, when they'd only just become partners, and their relationship had only grown and strengthened from that point on. Maybe that was why it was so hard for her to accept this new reality now.. or at least that was one of the reasons. Either way she knew that the time for reminiscing was over. The coffee maker made a gurgling noise as it finished brewing and she knew that her time for stalling had come to an end. She poured two cups now and emitted a final sigh before heading back into the living room.

Elliot's eyes met her with a questioning gaze. He could tell that she was on edge about all of this. He could tell by the way she avoided his gaze, her eyes focusing intently on the coffee cups in her hands. Instead of handing him his, she placed it on the end table next to his chair and then sat down on the sofa, her gaze still focused on her own cup.

He grabbed his cup and sipped at it for a few seconds, but that was about as long as he could stand this silence between them. He hated it. It was nothing like either of them.. Olivia had always been confident when it came to saying what was on her mind. She wasn't one to hold her tongue when she felt strongly about anything. He was a lot less vocal than her but what he lacked in words he always made up for in actions.. although admittedly that wasn't always a good thing. That accounted for his bouts of storming off, punching the walls around him, those kinds of things.. but hell, that had to be better than sitting here in this agonizing silence.

Finally he could take it no more and he spoke up, "So I guess I should start from the beginning?"

He met her gaze but the only response he got was that she finally met his gaze in return. She said nothing though and so he continued, "After I left SVU, I stayed home for a long time before even looking for another job. Most days I couldn't even bring myself to get out of bed. At first all I could see was the girl that I shot that day.. but eventually it went back even further than that. I started thinking about so many horrible things- everything from the times I'd messed up and harmed someone else on the job to some of the most brutal cases of rape and murder we'd seen over the years. I just couldn't get any of it out of my mind. I thought about the cold cases too, the ones we weren't able to solve and the victims whose deaths were never justified, or if they lived, they lived out the rest of their lives in regret and fear.."

Olivia watched him pause for a moment, as if he really was thinking about all of these things now. She could see the look that passed into his eyes as he became lost in thought and it caused her to involuntarily bite down on her lip in response. That look bothered her. She tried to reassure him though despite herself, "Elliot.. you know all of that is just part of the job.. We do the best we can and unfortunately sometimes that just isn't enough.."

She would have continued but her interrupted her. There was no anger in his voice but she could detect the frustration, although she thought it was more so directed at himself than at her, "You think I don't know that? If I hadn't known that I would have never joined SVU in the first place.. I'm trying to tell you that I used to could handle that, but it just got to the point where I couldn't accept that anymore. 'Doing my best' just wasn't enough, not when it resulted in the death of a teenage girl! Or the unsolved rape case of a victim that eventually ended up killing herself! Or-"

She interrupted him this time. He'd been raising his voice without realizing it, but she could tell that it really wasn't directed at her. There was worry in her voice as she called out his name, bringing him back to reality.

He looked apologetic for a split second before continuing. He'd gained back his composure at this point and got back to explaining himself, "Eventually I finally had to get another job. The bills were piling up and I knew our lights would be turned off or we wouldn't have anything to eat if I didn't. So I did get another job as a security guard. It payed the bills.. but it didn't make me feel any better. I was just like a zombie at work, only getting through the day because I knew I needed the paycheck. Then when I'd come back home I'd just go to bed immediately. I'm sure you can imagine what that did to me and Kathy's marriage,"

He said that last part on a sour note. Olivia's brow furrowed. She knew that he and Kathy's marriage had been on the rocks for a while, even before he left SVU, but she'd had no idea that they had split up. She couldn't help the words as they escaped from her lips, "So you and Kathy got divorced?"

He nodded. "The papers were finalized last month,"

"Where have you been staying?" she asked, taking in his worn appearance again. It was obvious that he hadn't been taking very good care of himself.

"I got my own apartment. It actually isn't too far from here.." he said with no real emotion in his voice.

She wondered if he was growing tired after explaining all of this to her.. and although she knew she'd definitely been owed an explanation, she couldn't help but to almost regret hearing it now. As much as she hated Elliot for leaving like he did, she couldn't bring herself to wish all of this on him. All of a sudden she was at a loss for what to say, but finally she uttered, "I'm sorry to hear all of that.."

Her words were few, but they were filled with a softness and a sincerity that made him believe that she truly meant it, that she wasn't just saying it. "Me too.. but it isn't your fault," he admitted, looking up at her with deep blue eyes which were filled with a mixture of so many emotions.

Hers were filled with just as much emotion as she asked, "Why didn't you come to me? You know I would have been there for you.."

"I know you would have been.. but I didn't want to put you through that, Olivia. I didn't want to put anyone through what I was feeling.. Does that make any sense?" he asked and there was desperation in his voice. He really hoped she could understand after everything he'd told her.

This time her eyes were filled with nothing but sadness. "I do understand, Elliot.. I just don't know if I can ever forgive you for it,"

((Awww.. a sad way to end this chapter, but I will leave you with this- Things should start looking up soon. What's going to happen next, you ask? Find out in Chapter Five! Also, I have found that reviews really do give me motivation to write and update more often, so please take the time to leave me a little feedback if you can :) Thanks you guys!))


	5. Chapter 5

((Note: I'm not sure about you guys.. but I'm tired of people leaving anonymous reviews saying how "Elliot is happily married to Kathy" "Get over it and grow up" etc. etc. If you don't like the plot of the story, don't read it! That is the bottom line. There are plenty of people out there who DO like it (hence my other reviewers who are amazing and leave me very appreciated reviews) and so I will continue writing this story as long as 1)I enjoy writing it and 2)I have fans that enjoy it. This is a fan fiction after all.. meaning that it doesn't have to be exactly like the TV series and that I can make the characters do/act any way that I want :) Okay, rant over lol))

Chapter Five

Elliot stood there for a long time after hearing Olivia's words. _"I do understand... I just don't know if I can ever forgive you for it," _Those words stung.. but he knew he couldn't say anything. What could he say when he knew that he deserved this? Olivia was one of the most giving people in the world. She was cautious at first, but when she was finally able to trust and accept a person, she did so with every fiber of her being. On the opposite hand though, it took her a long time to trust a person so much.. and if that person hurt her badly enough, she closed herself off completely. He'd seen her do this before. He just never thought that he'd be the one on the receiving end.

Defeat was evident now against his features. It wasn't like him to give up so easily, but this time it wasn't really giving up per say. He just didn't want to have to put her through anything else, and if this was how she felt than he at least owed it to her to leave her alone and in peace. "I understand, Liv.. I guess maybe I'll see you around, okay?"

Her eyes widened when he started to head for the door. She hadn't expected that he would give up like that.. Was it because he just didn't care? No, it wasn't that. The expression on his face, the choked up sound to his voice, all of that was a sure sign that he cared.. which only meant that he was choosing to leave now for her benefit, because he thought that was what she wanted.

The tear in her heart only served to rip even further now. She rushed up from the couch and caught him before he could get to the door. "Elliot, wait.."

He turned to face her with a look of surprise.

"I don't want you to leave.. I said that I was unsure if I could ever forgive you.. but that doesn't mean that I don't care about you at all. You don't have a place to stay now, so why don't you stay here for the time being?" It was hard for her to offer this, to accept the thought of seeing him every day while she was still hurting over everything.. but that would be easier than knowing that she sent him out of that door with no place to go and no one to turn to. She knew he still had his kids, but she also knew him well enough to know that he would never go to them for fear that he would be a burden to them.

The look of surprise remained on his face a moment longer, but then he shook his head. "No.. after everything that's happened, I couldn't ask you to do that for me," he admitted.

She felt a tiny surge of frustration but she replied calmly, "That's why you aren't asking me.. _I'm _asking _you. _You don't have anywhere to go, right? I know there isn't much space here, but you'd at least have a place to sleep.."

He looked as if he was about to protest again so she continued before he had a chance, "I know you're stubborn, and you think you're doing what's right for me by leaving, but you should know me better than that.. Do you really think I'd be okay sending you out with no place to go? I'm not saying everything is okay between us.. but no matter how I feel, I couldn't do that to you," she admitted this but bit down on her bottom lip as well. It was hard to admit this.. but she couldn't deny that she meant it as well.

He was quiet for a long moment but she noticed when his stance changed, when he'd finally given up on any argument. His blue eyes met hers with strong emotion, the sincerity and warmth very evident. "Thanks, Liv.." he answered softly.

She was only about a foot away from him at this point. She didn't realize it, but she was still biting down on her lower lip in an attempt to control the emotions that were swarming inside of her now. She did not regret her decision for asking him to stay, but she also knew that it was going to be hard as hell for her.

When she looked up at him now, she couldn't deny that a part of her wanted everything to just be okay. That part of her wanted the past months to be erased, the memory of when he left SVU to be erased, all of it.. She didn't want to hurt every single time she looked into his eyes and she just wanted things to be normal again. More than anything, with him being this close to her now for the first time in so long, she wanted to rush into his arms and hold on tightly, and not even think about letting go.

But she would not do that. She couldn't. How was it even possible for her to have missed him so much, when all she wanted was to build the strongest wall possible between them? He'd _hurt _her, when she thought that maybe he was one of the very few people who would never do that.. but he had and there was no taking that back now. Maybe one day she could forgive him, just maybe, but right now there was no way that she could forget.

She hadn't realized this either, but several tears had started to creep into the corners of her eyes. He noticed them though and he slowly stepped forward just as the first one fell down her cheek. He reached his hand out gently to wipe it away, but when she realized what he was doing, she jumped back as if his touch actually burned her.

This caused an immediate look of hurt to jump into his eyes and he couldn't help but ask, "Are you sure that you're okay with this?"

She nodded immediately without even having to think about it, but her next words were, "Make yourself at home.. I'm going to bed. I'm really tired.." and she turned and left without another word, leaving him full of confusion, misery, regret, and a multitude of other emotions.

They both laid down at the same time, but it was a long time before either of them actually fell asleep.

((This chapter was pretty sad as well, but also full of some much needed angsty emotion lol I hope you enjoyed it. So what happens tomorrow, the first day of Elliot staying with Olivia? How will they handle it? Find out in Chapter Six. As always, leave me some reviews if you can and thanks for reading the story up to this point! Your support means so much to me.))


	6. Chapter 6

((Chapter Six is here! I promise things start looking up in this chapter. Hope you enjoy!))

Chapter Six

Olivia woke up the next morning to the smell of something delicious.. It was a combination of freshly brewed coffee along with breakfast smells- bacon frying, sweet maple syrup, the whole nine yards. She realized that she hadn't eaten a single thing the day before and it was definitely showing now. Her stomach growled furiously and even in her half-woken state, she knew there was no chance of going back to sleep now that her stomach had caught wind that food was in the kitchen.

She rose from her bed with a stretch and a yawn as her mind started to fight off the fogginess of sleep. It dawned on her then that Elliot must be the one cooking breakfast.. She hadn't expected that, mostly because it made it seem as if he felt at home here.. and although her place pretty much had been a second home to him when they were partners, it was hard for her to believe that he could still feel the same way after the way she'd acted last night.

She hadn't meant to be so cold and she'd regretted it as soon as her head hit the pillow. She'd tossed and turned for hours thinking about it. He'd looked so sad as she'd walked away from him.. but it was all that she had been able to do in that moment without falling apart completely. She wouldn't allow herself to do that in front of him. That would make her weak and she knew she couldn't afford to be weak anymore. The only way to protect herself from more hurt was to be strong, and so she'd ran off to her bedroom in order to hide the tears that fell moments later. Maybe in reality that didn't make her very strong; She'd cried for longer than she could remember, but at least she did so by herself so that no one else would see how weak she really was right now. Maybe it wasn't fair to treat him that way, to force herself to be so distant.. but it was the only option she had right now at least in her mind.

She grabbed an outfit from her dresser now and exited her room as silently as possible. Without alerting Elliot that she was awake she crossed over to the bathroom and spent the next twenty minutes in the shower and getting dressed. This gave her enough time to build up her composure and to wipe away some of the sleepiness that was caused by a night of tossing, turning, and sleeplessness. If she was going to make it through this day, she would need to be in top shape. It was her day off as well and so she really had no excuse to stay away from Elliot unless of course she made up some excuse, some errand or another to run.

With a deep breath she finally exited the bathroom and headed into the kitchen. Elliot was just taking the last pancake off of the skillet as she came in and he lifted his gaze to meet hers. "Good morning.. You got here just in time. Breakfast is almost ready.. I hope its all right that I cooked,"

She nodded in response. "I was surprised when I woke up and smelled bacon.. but I'm actually glad you did. I haven't eaten anything since the day before yesterday," she mentioned.

He looked concerned for a moment but said nothing. Maybe she'd just had a busy day, as they'd had many times before with a difficult case and whatnot, but for some reason he just had this feeling that something else had happened. Maybe it was the way she said it.. He didn't want to pry right now though, not when he was trying to make things better between them. He remembered her words as if they'd been cattle prodded into his mind.. She didn't think she could ever forgive him for what he'd done, but he'd made the decision that he was going to try his hardest to change her mind.

"Well that's not good.. Guess that means my food will taste pretty good though, huh?" he asked, a joking tint to his voice. He caught her watching him though, as if she was curious about something. He wasn't even sure if she'd heard his last comment. He spoke again though, this time asking where the plates were so that he could set the table.

This time she did respond, "Oh, I've got that.. You cooked so I can set the table," She moved to the cabinets and brought out two plates, two forks, and two cups. Then she moved to the refrigerator and dug around for a moment, eventually pulling out a carton of juice. "Orange juice all right?" she asked.

He nodded. Right now things still felt awkward between them, almost as if this was the first time they'd eaten a meal together. He hated that part but he knew it was probably to be expected after everything. Still he continued on and tried to ignore that for now. Once she laid the plates down he brought over the pans one at a time, scooping pancakes, bacon, and eggs onto each of their plates. Then he sat down and waited for her to sit as well. She did so after a moment but there was silence between them for some time afterwards.

She was staring down at her plate as she ate. Everything just felt so surreal right now. She knew that she should say something.. She _wanted _to say something, but the silence just felt safer for some reason. Still, she hated the silence.. It unnerved her after another minute of it she decided that she could no longer stand it. "Thanks for fixing breakfast.. You didn't have to do that,"

She actually looked up from her plate as she said it and met his gaze, and so he took that as a step forward at least. He returned her response with a smile. "You don't have to thank me.. and I know I didn't have to, but I wanted to. It really means a lot that you're letting me stay here, Liv," he added that last part.

"You'd do the same for me.. or at least I think you would," she'd spoken without thinking about her words first and she regretted it now. That last part had been full of doubt and she hadn't meant for it to be. She hoped it wouldn't sound like an accusation, but either way she couldn't take it back now.

He'd caught the doubt in her voice and it immediately caused him to tense up. His hand clenched around his fork but he wasn't actually angry, just full of emotion. His gaze met hers and he held it intently, ensuring that he had her attention before he spoke. "Liv.. I know I messed up leaving like that, but I don't want you to think for a second that I wouldn't have your back. If the roles were reversed you better believe that I'd do the same for you.. I-"

She interrupted him, feeling bad for what she'd said before and that it had evoked such a strong reaction from him. "Elliot, I didn't mean for it to come out like that. I'm sorry.. I-"

This time he interrupted her, but his voice was softer this time. "I'm not upset for what you said.. I understand why you would doubt me now.. but I want you to know that I'll always be there for you. I know I wasn't for a while, but please don't think that had anything to do with you. That was all me.. I was weak. I made so many mistakes and I wish I could take all of them back now but I can't. All I can do is try and fix things.. and one way to do that is to get you to forgive me and trust me again," Although his eyes were already intense, they deepened even more as he added, ".. snd I don't plan on giving up until you do. Can you at least trust me on that one?" he asked with a soft smile, a tiny hint of laughter finally playing across his face and lightening all the intensity from before.

She couldn't help that a tiny smile crossed her lips. She was able to fight back the tears that threatened to creep into her eyes, but she hadn't been able to hold back the smile. It didn't matter if she wanted to convince herself otherwise.. Deep down the truth was that those were the best words she'd heard in a long, long time. Even if she wanted to deny it aloud there was no way she could deny it to herself. She'd missed Elliot.. and she really hoped that he meant what he was saying and that his words would prove to be true. In a shaky voice she said, "Okay, I believe you.."

He was all smiles in return . "Well that's a start,"

((Yay! Finally a happy chapter. It even made me feel all warm and fuzzy inside even though I'm the one writing it x3 I hope you guys enjoyed it.. Find out where things go from there in Chapter Seven! As always, please please please review if you can!))


	7. Chapter 7

((Here is Chapter Seven! As always, I hope you guys enjoy and thanks for being such amazing fans/reviewers.))

Chapter Seven

They'd finished up the rest of their breakfast with small talk. It was nothing too serious, but it was more than the silence they'd sported before. Once breakfast was over she cleaned off the table and he offered to wash dishes and once that was over they were both left wondering what to do next. If she had still been planning on avoiding him, this would have been the time to come up with some errand or another.. but after their talk over breakfast, she realized that she didn't really want to do that. She still had her guard up but that didn't mean she had to avoid him completely. Besides, there were still so many things that hadn't been talked about, questions that hadn't been answered yet, and that was both on his part and hers. For one thing, she was pretty sure that he had no idea about her relationship with David Hayden, and she hadn't heard a single thing about his kids since he'd left.

She looked outside the window of her kitchen and noted that it was a nice sunny day. She decided that she didn't want to be stuck inside on her day off and so she offered, "I'm thinking about taking a jog through the park. What do you think?"

He looked happy about the invitation and nodded, "Sure, that sounds nice. It's been a while since I went for a run," It was a hobby that both of them used to enjoy pretty often, but he realized now that it had been months since he'd last done so. It would be refreshing to get back into the habit.. but what stood out to him most was that it would give him and her some more time to talk. He'd honestly thought that maybe she would try to avoid him as much as possible, but maybe what he'd said at breakfast had an effect on her. He hoped so.

He looked down at his disheveled clothing though and frowned. He was wearing the same thing he'd been wearing when he came to her apartment last night.

She must have caught his look because she spoke up, "Don't worry.. You have a change of clothes here," He looked confused but she continued, "You left them in your locker at the precinct.. Cragen gave them to me because he thought I'd probably see you before anyone else, and I just never got around to tossing them out.." she admitted. She didn't want him to know that it was because she hadn't _wanted_ to throw them out though.

Either way he looked grateful and didn't question her reasoning for keeping them. He only mentioned, "Thanks.. I'm glad you didn't,"

As soon as he changed and they were ready they left her apartment and headed for the park. For a sunny day it actually wasn't too busy, just handful of other joggers or a mother pushing a stroller occasionally. They started off their run in silence although it actually didn't feel like an awkward silence- they both just seemed to be enjoying the moment, the warm weather and the feel-good endorphins you get from exercising.

Some time later though they passed a blond haired woman with a group of children, some older and some younger. At this point both she and Elliot were ready to slow down the pace to a calmer walk and so talking would become a lot easier.

Seeing the woman with the children prompted her first question, "How have your kids been? I haven't heard from them since you left.. I probably should have gone by to visit them," she bit her lip, instantly feeling remorseful for not even trying to call them, It had just been so hard, knowing that Elliot would be there if she'd stopped to visit or that he might be the one to answer the phone if she called, and that was something she hadn't thought she would be able to handle. Still, the didn't excuse the fact that she'd pretty much abandoned his kids, kids whom she'd looked at as if they were her own family. "They must hate me.." she added very quietly.

He immediately shook his head though, "No, they don't hate you at all.. If anything they're mad at me, not you. They've asked about you a lot and I think they blame me for them not seeing or hearing from you.. I guess that _is _my fault though and so you shouldn't feel bad about it," She hadn't mentioned that she felt bad but she didn't have to; he could tell by the way she talked and the way her voice grew quiet and shook.

She looked up at him, a little surprised by the fact that he was taking the blame for this. Technically it wasn't, because he had not forced her not to come around.. but he had been the reason that she'd chosen not to. Either way, who was right or wrong did not matter now. "So how are they?" she asked.

"They are all doing pretty great.. Maureen is engaged to a guy and they're supposed to be getting married at the end of this year," he admitted with a slight edge to his voice.

Olivia couldn't help the teasing grin that crossed her face. She knew that even if the most perfect man came along in Elliot's eyes, it would still be hard for him to watch his daughter marry him. There was a light to his eyes as well though and so she figured, even if he wasn't too thrilled about the marriage, he was still pretty happy with the guy. She didn't say anything yet though, wanting to hear about the Kathleen and the others too.

He continued, "Kathleen has finished with college now She's got a job and her own place, an apartment that actually isn't too far from here. It's nice. The twins, on the other hand, just started college.. Neither of them are really sure what they want to be yet, but hey, its a start. And Eli's doing great, top of his class in first grade. He's going to be smart as a whip, just like his siblings,"

She had always loved the way he smiled when talking about his kids. Right now there was a wistfulness to his voice and she could completely empathize with what she was sure he was feeling- the passage of time. She remembered when she first met Elliot. Maureen was still a smart yet sometimes troublesome sixteen-year old, Kathleen hadn't even hit puberty yet, the twins were the age that Eli was now, and Eli hadn't even been thought of! It was crazy how much time had elapsed since then. She was feeling the effects of it now too as he talked about his kids.

"It's crazy, isn't it?" she asked.

"Yeah, it really is." He didn't even have to ask her what she was talking about.

"If it's all right.. I want to see them some time soon. I really miss those kids," she said.

He smiled. "They miss you too, Liv. You've always been just like family to them.,"

A warm feeling spread through her chest at hearing those words. She had never had a very close family of her own and Elliot's family had been more like hers than anything else, at least to her. It was nice to hear that they felt the same way and still wanted to see her after everything that had happened. One of her biggest fears was that after Elliot left she would lose them too, and she hadn't really helped with that seeing as she hadn't tried to contact them in all this time. There was no way to go back and change things now though. All she could do was to move forward from here and she was at least glad to know that they weren't too upset with her.

"Maybe I could invite them over for dinner sometime soon. Do you think that would be okay?" she asked, a little nervous to be asking the question. She wondered if they would want to do something like that, or if it was too soon for her to be asking seeing as she'd just reconnected with Elliot.

She looked to him for an answer though and he just continued smiling. "I think they would like that a lot,"

His anwer reassured her and wiped away all of the fears and doubts. When she spoke again there was only happiness and a little bit of excitement in her voice, "Maybe next weekend? I'm not working Saturday again. Maybe Saturday evening?"

He nodded. "That sounds good. The kids won't be in school so that'll work out for them too. I'm supposed to have Eli on weekends anyway.. but Kathy doesn't know that I got kicked out of my place yet so I'm not sure how that's going to go over,"

His tone immediately changed with the subject. She knew how important his kids were to him, more so than anything else in his life, and she knew that the thought of not being able to see them also bothered him more than anything else. Another idea popped into her mind, one that she was also nervous to be asking about. She decided to give it a shot though because these were his kids and had nothing to do with what had happened between him and her. It may be too soon for her to be offering something like this, but she was not doing it for the sake of she and Elliot's relationship. She was doing it for Eli and for his relationship with his father, and also because she missed the little guy too.

So she offered, "If you wanted.. He could stay at my place this weekend,"

Elliot looked shocked at the offer for a moment before asking, "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I'm sure.. I'm not sure how Kathy would feel about it though, and so I'm going to let you handle that one and decide what to tell her," She wasn't as close to Kathy as she was to the kids, but she still didn't want to do anything that would cause them to be on bad terms.

He nodded but didn't seem too concerned about his ex wife right now. His gaze was intent and warm as he met her's though. "Thanks, Liv.. You don't know how much this means to me,"

"Yeah, it's no problem.." she said, but she had to force her voice to be above a whisper. After a moment she continued, "Well I guess we better finish our run, or we might be stuck here in the rain," she pointed to the cloud that was growing above the park. It was probably no more than a passing storm, but she still wouldn't want to get caught under it if it decided to break loose.

He'd noticed that her voice had been friendly when she'd changed the subject but it was also clear that she _was _purposefully changing the subject. He wasn't sure why but he didn't feel the need to pry either. He still knew Olivia well enough to know that she wouldn't say something if she didn't mean it, and she would not have made an offer like that if she hadn't wanted to. So he picked up the pace and they ran together in silence for a while.

As they were running, she wondered if he was suspicious of her for suddenly dropping the conversation. There was no way she was going to admit to him what had happened though, how her entire chest had filled with an overpowering warmth, and how her breathing had hitched a little when he'd looked at her with so much sincerity and emotion in his eyes after she'd made the offer to let Eli stay with them. She immediately tried to suppress the feeling though, but she couldn't deny that it had been there. Maybe it was because she was just so happy that they were on speaking terms again, that they were reconnecting when she thought that would never happen.. but this was still just the first day that they'd come back into one another's life, and so she wasn't even close to being ready for feelings like the one she'd had moments before.

It was way too soon for her to let him back in, because what if she ended up hurt again? What if he changed his mind and decided to leave the next day? She had an instinctive doubt that would not happen, but she could never be sure.. She hadn't expected him to leave the first time either, had she? So she forced herself to shut down the feeling and to distance herself just enough. Now they were jogging along next to each other in a comfortable silence and she felt at peace again. This was how it had to be, at least for now.

((Wow, this chapter ended up being much longer than I expected! I'm excited to write the next chapter too.. You get to find out how dinner goes with the two of them and Elliot's kids in Chapter Eight, but then something that might possibly be bad happens in one of the upcoming chapters after that.. Keep reading to find out what it is and thanks again for sticking with me and the story this long. Please review if you can!))


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